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Late again! Oh well, why change a habit of a life time, I'd say to myself. That was me, every day. Work, meetings, Uni, social activities, you name it, I was late for it. My mum used to say 'You'd be late for your own funeral, you' & she was probably right, although I can assure you that at the time of penning this, I am very much alive! It wasn't that I was intentionally late, I didn't do it on purpose. I'd start out with all good intentions, give myself plenty of time, yet I still couldn't manage it. My time keeping skills appeared to be absolutely atrocious!
Along with this, I was perceived by friends, family, colleagues and romantic partners as being messy, lazy, disorganised, too emotional, too sensitive, too much, short tempered, inappropriate, miserable, negative. You name it, I took on that label. I was affectionally known as a 'scatty cow' by my family, for as long as I can remember. But that was me. Right? Well no actually. I had ADHD, but unfortunately I didn't have the 'lightbulb moment' until I was actually in my 40s.
As a young person, for me, things just didn't feel right. But I couldn't put my finger on it. I had friends, lots of friends, but still I didn't feel that I fit in. I was different. My mind worked differently, I was different somehow, I knew that, but I just didn't know why. All I wanted was to be loved & accepted. To be one of them. By them, I mean, anyone who wasn't me. It was very much 'me & them' or that's how I saw it. That's how I saw it throughout my life until, as an adult, I finally figured out what was & had been going on the whole time. I had ADHD!
As a child, I was riddled with anxiety, at even the thought of going to school. The fear & terror I'd experience was overwhelming, although I was never placed in a physically harmful environment, I was frightened. Looking back now, I feel so very emotional, thinking of that little girl that struggled so much, yet somehow managed to mask pretty well. I found ways to cope and developed strategies to be able to get by in school, because to be honest, I just didn't get it most of the time. That left me feeling like a fraud, always worrying that I'd get caught out, that my cover would be blown, I'd be exposed, everyone would find out how stupid & incompetent I really was, that I'd be laughed at & made fun of, & the feelings of shame that accompanied it were in fact debilitating.
Needless to say, these feelings never left me. I carried them into adulthood. Working tirelessly on formulating new strategies, just to get by. Trying to fit in. Over compensating for what I perceived as my deficits. Constantly people pleasing, so that I would be liked & loved, & never putting my own needs first. Being diagnosed with anxiety & depression at 16 & medicated for over 25 years for it. Then being diagnosed with a mixed personality disorder in my 30s, but yet, nothing changed. I couldn't change, & I didn't know why! While all the time masking - appearing to be 'normal' to everyone else, but inside, I hated myself. I'd enternalised 40 odd years of feelings, thoughts & emotions, still totally unaware that I in fact, had ADHD. I had a neurodiverse brain!
Ironically, even during & after completing a Masters degree in Special Educational needs & Disability, in addition to working along side a number of vunerable, young people with a range of additional needs, it still didn't click that I, myself, was also neurodivergent! I worked, I coped (just about) I lived alone, I took care of myself, I had two degrees, surely that meant I was a fully functioning & responsible adult? Yes, of course I was, & I am. I am all of that, but in addition I have ADHD!
When everything began to fall into place, it all made sense. Now I GOT IT! Now I understood! But what now? What was I supposed to do with this information? A period of time ensued where I had to try and wrap my head around it & what this meant for me. It was rough. I was up and down. I felt every emotion possible. In fact, it was almost identical to the grief cycle I experienced when losing my parents. But I had something. Something special. Something unique. I had lived experience! Unbeknown to me, I had lived with ADHD my whole life, & that must mean something right? Maybe I could help others? Maybe I could work with other women like me? Maybe I really did have something to offer them? Support, compassion, empathy, guidance! And so, ADHD Creative Life coaching was born!
I feel extremely humbled in being able to share a part of me, with you & I am more than sure that many of you too, can resonate with some of my experiences. In fact, I would probably bet my life on it! And that's why I am here. Plus I have GREAT news!
Not only can I reassure you that you're not the only one that feels the way you do, I am here to tell you that you are not alone & you do not have to do this by yourself.
You are unique, you are perfect, you are strong & you are indeed, amazing. I cannot wait to take this journey with you!
IAPC&M Certified & Accredited Life Coach.
MA Special Educational needs & Disability.
BA Hons Youth Studies.
Enhanced DBS.
Over 20 years experience of working with & supporting neurodivergent & vulnerable children, families, young people & adults.
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